Upsy Downsy Upsy Downsy Upsy......

Up-down-up-down just about describes Wednesday July 1st through the 5th -- glorious moments and disappointing moments waving back and forth, both medically and otherwise.

On Wednesday July 1st Nadine felt pretty miserable -- understandable with the huge slug of chemo medicines she got for the "intensification" cycle, but still hard to handle. My mood, not surprisingly, often fluctuates with hers. Eventually, Erek and I took a walk in the hot sun by the Erie canal with its surrounding greenery -- the company and conversation, the physical conditioning, and the contact with fresh air and trees are amazingly welcome. It helped me cope better with seeing the wilted Nadine who greeted us after we returned. I was still exhausted though, but felt that perhaps a game of "hearts" would distract her from her misery. The game took so long, though, that I fell asleep, and Nadine was pretty tired as well. Eventually we all gave up and I left for the night, getting thoroughly lost in the parking garage as I stumbled around in search of my car. Not my best night.

The next day, Thursday July 2nd, I got to the hospital way too late -- it seemed like the previous night extended into the next morning and I could get little done right. Nadine's blood counts were up but she still felt awful. I knew it was chemo pain rather than medical downsliding, but it still hurt to see her that way.

Sitting on her bed, I allowed myself to cry and told her it hurt to see her feeling this bad. She gave me a little smile and looked relieved to see me express my sadness. I guess my new friend Raylene, who had encouraged me to share not-so-happy emotions with her if I felt them, was right -- it reinforces her knowledge that I care. I felt better too after crying.
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Beth Schemp, the wound care specialist, arrived and removed Nadine's dressing to inspect the "hole" left in Nadine's chest after her port was removed. Happily, pronounced it healing nicely. This ws especially meaningful to me because of the previous lack of healing. Beth expertly changed the Aqua-Cel dressing, explaining the process again so I can do the job if needed. Cheryl Gillette also came -- she is the expert nurse who installed Nadine's PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter), which replaced the removed port. Cheryl showed me the sterile procedure for changing the PICC line dressing, and I got to flush the line with saline. I'm always on the look-out for people to ask for if future procedures are needed -- Beth and Cheryl are definitely on my list.

Oh yes, I ran into the surgeon who I'd been told had insisted that he wouldn't put another port in for Nadine, even though Dr. Bruckner had said she'd approve it. He pleasantly announced the he'd talked with Dr. Bruckner, and that there was time. "We'll talk", he said. "You've made my day", I answered.

Barry arrived and had dinner with us; then we went back up to see Nadine. Erek left early and I stayed on to consult with two of the doctors.

Before I left, I took Nadine's hand and she gave me one of her radiant smiles.

HER SMILE LEFT ME SMILING TOO.







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