Foods and friends have had an amazing way of cheering up Nadine over the last few days, even with her general malaise. I honor that her friends cheerfully welcome and support her however she is feeling. In particular, Sylvia, Rafi, and Claire have visited often and been steadfastly there for her, whatever her mood (including leaving if she needs to rest).
Nadine has had intense, urgent cravings for distinct foods, almost all fortunately healthy. When I present them, her radiantly beautiful smile makes it all worthwhile even though I'm not generally known as a passionate or meticulous cook. Lately she's lusted after vegetable broth (the real stuff, made with onion, potato, zuccini, spices etc.). It did my heart good that she chose mine over Amy's Organic Canned Soup, even if my soup took 2 hours. I'm learning to care about cooking things I don't usually bother to make. She's craved potato-cheese puffs, sometimes moaning that it can't be completed within 10 minutes. Asian Delight (a peanut-shoyu sauce with tofu, chicken, or other such things) sends her into ecstasy. She wants things "right now" -- I hear a zillion "When will be be ready?'s", but she's thanked me profusely as well. Being able to make her happy in any way is a beautiful thing.
As for music, Nadine has still been into my playing for her, even if she's hurting or at a low energy level. I've loved creating pieces as well. Today was a long afternoon of it. I attempt to tailor the mood of the music to what I perceive of how she feels, and if she has a specific request either of tune or mood, I'm happy and honored to do it.
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On Monday night after Nadine's third of her four Bigg Chemo spinal injections, Claire came over with the DVD Sense and Sensibility. Nadine, at a low energy level, remained on the couch, but she happily watched and giggled over the movie with Claire, eating ice cream and cobbler while she was at it.
That night, I gave Nadine ginger tea and journaled. Nadine was having a hard time with heartburn/acid reflux. I looked up remedies, found several with vinegar, and she tried one with no success. I hung up her laundry and put away her food, then went back to bed.
Monday night was another really hard one for Nadine -- she was restless and uncomfortable again, and panicky along with it. I reassured her it was normal, but I hurt inside. When normal hurts......no comment. Finally I suggested reading a book to her. It took a while to find one, and she fell asleep first.
In the middle of the night she got up again, still restless. After a while, she wanted a snack. Feeling like the mother of a 2-year-old, I reluctantly trudged up with her for a late-night spread of buttered toast and warmed molasses-in-milk. Although I was exhausted, her smile was gorgeous. We held hands and I smiled too. Finally we made it downstairs to bed again.
Yesterday was a hard morning again. Nadine was weak and hurting and seemed to need me every moment. Sometimes she hurt so bad that she could barely verbalize what she wanted, and often I heard grunts.
I got an offer of a REAL treat, being invited to visit Betty and Claire and go for a swim in the lake. Nadine, even in her misery, encouraged me to go for it. She and I went together. I had to borrow Betty's swimsuit, as the one I usually bring everywhere even in midwinter for "just in case" was buried far away (evidence of my divergence from my customary lifestyle). I admired the beautiful lake colors, picked my way over the rocks, and immersed myself up to the ankles. First swim of the summer, and I was no longer used to water under body temperature. Slowly it came back as I sank in slowly, the water "pinging" against my body like cool silver. Finally I "went for it", blissfully swimming strong strokes parallel to the shore, admiring the waves and the feel of my body in a medium I loved. A long while later I paddled towards shore and lay on the soft furry-feeling seaweed mat in the 6-inch-deep shallows, then sat up and watched the shifting gold-and-green water against golden rocks. I returned to land feeling refreshed and happy.
Nadine had a nice time too -- she sat out on the chaise lounge, and I think the fresh air was excellent for her. After my swim, I looked up and Claire, dressed in her crisp "colonial era" costume from work, was visiting with Nadine on the chaise lounge. Later she sat on a stool and prepared green beans for dinner. Dessert was delicious local peaches, and as they can be peeled, Nadine got to eat one. I got another walk into the warm post-dinner night and helped Betty pick blueberries before we drove back and went to bed.
Bedtime for Nadine last night was the worst yet. She had seemed fine, having a snack and resting, but just as she was getting to bed she started to hurt terribly, and she "lost it" and yelled loudly. I helped her as best I could, affirmed how hard it was, listened to her, and encouraged her to breathe deeply through the diaphragm and other such things -- after what seemed like a long time, somehow she finally managed to relax. After that, she got through the night okay. It's so terrible what she has to go through with this.
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This morning was peaceful. She craved a potato-cheese puff and I made one again. She rewarded me with a smile. She said to me, "You do so much". I smiled inside and out.
Jessie the nurse came by and drew her blood for "labs". She brought a pair of sterile gloves and taught me how to use them. I dreaded this, klutz that I've known myself to be. Touching my hands only to the unsterile insides of the gloves, and touching the sterile outsides to each other and not my hands, and actually getting the gloves on? Nadine grinned from the couch. I think I know what she was thinking.
I practiced a few times and amazingly I found it easy. It was even fun. Hah!
We were going to met Alice today and look at the apartment we'll be staying in, but Nadine felt too weak to go and I postponed it until tomorrow, when we'll be in town anyway for Nadine's next procedure I'm glad we didn't go, as Nadine had another intense bout of pain after coming back from the bathroom. I spoke with the medical staff. Her blood counts are dropping (expected). Once again, no medical emergency, "just" lots of pain. Everyone there has been sympathetic and wonderful about it. We'll be able to talk tomorrow with Dr. Mullen at clinic -- there may be particulars to be addressed. She did get a prescription for a medicine that might help with the heartburn, that can be substituted for the Pepsid that doesn't seem to be working.
Tomorrow is Number 4 of the BIGG Chemo spinal injections -- after that, "All Done".
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