Chmo Discomfort, Slow Brain

Nadine's chemo discomfort set in again, starting around last Saturday. Much as it was a relief that she could start chemo again, I think we'd both forgotten how miserable it was. Around Saturday Nadine got that all-over ache syndrome again, feeling miserable, tired and wilted. Much cuddling was in order. Over the week-end, she lay on the couch again with Barry cuddling her while I played music for her on the piano.

The last few days, since Saturday, she's slept a lot and said she felt miserable; she's also been pretty cranky. It's been saddening to me. Today I even had her checked again, thinking maybe her counts were so low she needed a transfusion. It turned out that her counts were okay -- but it didn't stop her paleness, lethargy, weepiness and discomfort.

The one bright spot was that her appetite returned and the weight loss halted -- she's even gained a little weight.

Even her port-removal wound, which was healing beautifully, looks yucky. A week ago, Beth Svhempp, the wound-care specialist, checked it, pronounced it doing wonderfully, and hugged me. However, a few days ago I called her to see it again and she was a bit concerned and changed the dressing type in the hopes the problem could be controlled.

Nadine had made a decision to cut her "Monroe Community College" credits from 14 (honors philosophy, French, biology and calculus) to 4 credits (calculus), being attached to keeping up her happy momentum in math. She wouldn't consider taking it online at first, as she likes being in the classroom; however, she was strongly encouraged by her favorite math professor to take the class online to avoid exposure to stuff like the flu, which is a real hazard. Prof. Zwick said he'd like to support her in any way he could, and offered to work one-on-one with her frequently. So she reluctantly signed up for the online class.

Tuesday was the first day of class, and she sadly said she doesn't think she can do it at all, saying that her brain has been slow, and she can't even understand the instructions for getting the computer to work online. She also said that she's feeling slow and clumsy in making decisions. She might be unable to do the class, and I want to support whatever decision she makes. I have a feeling she'll drop it, but I hope she gives it a week to be sure.

I feel somewhat at fault for some of this, rightly or wrongly -- I've been mired in finding a permanent place to live, w hich has been frustrating, and that's taken up too much of my energy. IIt's too hard for us moving so many times, even though people's hospitality has been wonderful. We finally found a place I liked, and the owner rented it to someone else, saying the other person had said he'd expected to be there about 3 years. I took it hard, as it meant more looking. I did find one place that is okay -- it's up a flight, coving two narrow stories with a large living room above, but it's a two-family place with someone underneath -- it also looks somewhat shabby on the outside, but it might be our only choice.

A few days ago Nadine said her joints felt frozen.

She has started back on her new jewelry "line" of beads, and said she wants to "grow" her jewelry business. She said she thinks she can do this, as the "hours" are felxible. She spent some time upstairs at the music school, working on the beading, and borught it with her to the hospital chemo session. One of the nurses saw it and immediately ordered two bracelets, just watching her.

Music has been sporadic for NAdine. Her flue teacher came to the house last week, but didn't make it this week. Nadine just hasn't practiced hardly at all.

Food cravings have been erratic but healthy. Chinese food one night, another night Mexican food. She wants a lot of shrimp, and I suggested beans and potatoes for a meal. I seasoned them with fresh garlic, and the meal was happy for her. Her friend Sylvia admonished her last week to make sure she ate her ice cream before eating her salad.

I ended up not able to sleep well either over the past week. Hence my being up right now....