The Yellow Paint has arrived, to be taken daily. It's Nadine's new antibiotic, which is needed to prevent pneumococcal pneumonia. The old one, Bactrum, might have caused the delay in her "counts" rising, which caused the delay in her chemo, so now she has this one.
It has the consistency of almost-fluorescent yellow paint, and she got 9 ml sucked up into a 10ml syringe, then disgorged into a little cup, leaving the syringe coated with the dried dye-like substance, as is everything else it touches.
Nadine's first preferred way of eating it was dribbled on the top of some ice cream, followed by the rest of the ice cream.
She did figure out an "improvement" in it -- pouring it into a tiny cup. A quick swig and something yummy afterwards.
If she goes for a few months with no more delays in "counts", she might get to try her old antibiotic again, but for now it's a dose of "paint" a day. Oh boy.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Chmo Discomfort, Slow Brain
Nadine's chemo discomfort set in again, starting around last Saturday. Much as it was a relief that she could start chemo again, I think we'd both forgotten how miserable it was. Around Saturday Nadine got that all-over ache syndrome again, feeling miserable, tired and wilted. Much cuddling was in order. Over the week-end, she lay on the couch again with Barry cuddling her while I played music for her on the piano.
The last few days, since Saturday, she's slept a lot and said she felt miserable; she's also been pretty cranky. It's been saddening to me. Today I even had her checked again, thinking maybe her counts were so low she needed a transfusion. It turned out that her counts were okay -- but it didn't stop her paleness, lethargy, weepiness and discomfort.
The one bright spot was that her appetite returned and the weight loss halted -- she's even gained a little weight.
Even her port-removal wound, which was healing beautifully, looks yucky. A week ago, Beth Svhempp, the wound-care specialist, checked it, pronounced it doing wonderfully, and hugged me. However, a few days ago I called her to see it again and she was a bit concerned and changed the dressing type in the hopes the problem could be controlled.
Nadine had made a decision to cut her "Monroe Community College" credits from 14 (honors philosophy, French, biology and calculus) to 4 credits (calculus), being attached to keeping up her happy momentum in math. She wouldn't consider taking it online at first, as she likes being in the classroom; however, she was strongly encouraged by her favorite math professor to take the class online to avoid exposure to stuff like the flu, which is a real hazard. Prof. Zwick said he'd like to support her in any way he could, and offered to work one-on-one with her frequently. So she reluctantly signed up for the online class.
Tuesday was the first day of class, and she sadly said she doesn't think she can do it at all, saying that her brain has been slow, and she can't even understand the instructions for getting the computer to work online. She also said that she's feeling slow and clumsy in making decisions. She might be unable to do the class, and I want to support whatever decision she makes. I have a feeling she'll drop it, but I hope she gives it a week to be sure.
I feel somewhat at fault for some of this, rightly or wrongly -- I've been mired in finding a permanent place to live, w hich has been frustrating, and that's taken up too much of my energy. IIt's too hard for us moving so many times, even though people's hospitality has been wonderful. We finally found a place I liked, and the owner rented it to someone else, saying the other person had said he'd expected to be there about 3 years. I took it hard, as it meant more looking. I did find one place that is okay -- it's up a flight, coving two narrow stories with a large living room above, but it's a two-family place with someone underneath -- it also looks somewhat shabby on the outside, but it might be our only choice.
A few days ago Nadine said her joints felt frozen.
She has started back on her new jewelry "line" of beads, and said she wants to "grow" her jewelry business. She said she thinks she can do this, as the "hours" are felxible. She spent some time upstairs at the music school, working on the beading, and borught it with her to the hospital chemo session. One of the nurses saw it and immediately ordered two bracelets, just watching her.
Music has been sporadic for NAdine. Her flue teacher came to the house last week, but didn't make it this week. Nadine just hasn't practiced hardly at all.
Food cravings have been erratic but healthy. Chinese food one night, another night Mexican food. She wants a lot of shrimp, and I suggested beans and potatoes for a meal. I seasoned them with fresh garlic, and the meal was happy for her. Her friend Sylvia admonished her last week to make sure she ate her ice cream before eating her salad.
I ended up not able to sleep well either over the past week. Hence my being up right now....
The last few days, since Saturday, she's slept a lot and said she felt miserable; she's also been pretty cranky. It's been saddening to me. Today I even had her checked again, thinking maybe her counts were so low she needed a transfusion. It turned out that her counts were okay -- but it didn't stop her paleness, lethargy, weepiness and discomfort.
The one bright spot was that her appetite returned and the weight loss halted -- she's even gained a little weight.
Even her port-removal wound, which was healing beautifully, looks yucky. A week ago, Beth Svhempp, the wound-care specialist, checked it, pronounced it doing wonderfully, and hugged me. However, a few days ago I called her to see it again and she was a bit concerned and changed the dressing type in the hopes the problem could be controlled.
Nadine had made a decision to cut her "Monroe Community College" credits from 14 (honors philosophy, French, biology and calculus) to 4 credits (calculus), being attached to keeping up her happy momentum in math. She wouldn't consider taking it online at first, as she likes being in the classroom; however, she was strongly encouraged by her favorite math professor to take the class online to avoid exposure to stuff like the flu, which is a real hazard. Prof. Zwick said he'd like to support her in any way he could, and offered to work one-on-one with her frequently. So she reluctantly signed up for the online class.
Tuesday was the first day of class, and she sadly said she doesn't think she can do it at all, saying that her brain has been slow, and she can't even understand the instructions for getting the computer to work online. She also said that she's feeling slow and clumsy in making decisions. She might be unable to do the class, and I want to support whatever decision she makes. I have a feeling she'll drop it, but I hope she gives it a week to be sure.
I feel somewhat at fault for some of this, rightly or wrongly -- I've been mired in finding a permanent place to live, w hich has been frustrating, and that's taken up too much of my energy. IIt's too hard for us moving so many times, even though people's hospitality has been wonderful. We finally found a place I liked, and the owner rented it to someone else, saying the other person had said he'd expected to be there about 3 years. I took it hard, as it meant more looking. I did find one place that is okay -- it's up a flight, coving two narrow stories with a large living room above, but it's a two-family place with someone underneath -- it also looks somewhat shabby on the outside, but it might be our only choice.
A few days ago Nadine said her joints felt frozen.
She has started back on her new jewelry "line" of beads, and said she wants to "grow" her jewelry business. She said she thinks she can do this, as the "hours" are felxible. She spent some time upstairs at the music school, working on the beading, and borught it with her to the hospital chemo session. One of the nurses saw it and immediately ordered two bracelets, just watching her.
Music has been sporadic for NAdine. Her flue teacher came to the house last week, but didn't make it this week. Nadine just hasn't practiced hardly at all.
Food cravings have been erratic but healthy. Chinese food one night, another night Mexican food. She wants a lot of shrimp, and I suggested beans and potatoes for a meal. I seasoned them with fresh garlic, and the meal was happy for her. Her friend Sylvia admonished her last week to make sure she ate her ice cream before eating her salad.
I ended up not able to sleep well either over the past week. Hence my being up right now....
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A Boat Ride for Nadine (and me)
Nadine got a glorious ride in the Waymans' "motorboat" Thursday, going fast and totally loving it. It actually began with a an invitation to me to swim in the lake with Betty -- I happily accepted, bringing Nadine along with me -- she settled in comfortably on the lawn with her beadwork and then took a nap. I had a nice swim, happy to go in one more time before summer was over.
Betty invited us both for dinner outside, and after that she said that Bill was taking the "motor boat" out on the lake and invited us. I thought a "motorboat" was a rowboat with a motor that putt-putted slowly like a small floating bathtub. Was I wrong! This one was fast and zippy, tilting to the side when it turned, and Betty got behind and water-skiied, looking gorgeous in the light.
Nadine promptly scampered to the front (bow) and was ecstatic, her face beautifully illuminated by the soon-to-be-setting sun. She looked like she'd found a new passion. She stayed up there the whole time with much grinning. She said she'd love to water-ski once she was up to it.
The late afternoon was gorgeous, the water filled with blue,green and gold lights, the horizon and sky blue, not a cloud in sight. The sun lowered, reflecting golden-orange on the water; the full moon came up to the east, also over the water, first appearing faint and blurred in the haze and slowly congealing into a clear, beautiful, perfectly focused globe. The sun touched the water, pressed against the horizon, and set. I could see Betty water-skiing behind the boat, the moon behind her.
I admit that at first I was pretty scared as the boat zoomed off, tilted towards the back, and then banked to the side when it turned. What if it capsized or scraped "bottom" in the shallows? Then suddenly the fear disappeared and I just loved it, enjoying the sweep of the boat against the water, the foam, and even the tilting. My experience reminded me of being a young child trying something new.
Nadine worked pretty hard the next day when the physical therapist arrived. Arm pulls and leg pulls with the blue elastic band for strengthening. She'll need to be in shape in order to learn to water-ski, and she said that's just what she wants to do.
Betty invited us both for dinner outside, and after that she said that Bill was taking the "motor boat" out on the lake and invited us. I thought a "motorboat" was a rowboat with a motor that putt-putted slowly like a small floating bathtub. Was I wrong! This one was fast and zippy, tilting to the side when it turned, and Betty got behind and water-skiied, looking gorgeous in the light.
Nadine promptly scampered to the front (bow) and was ecstatic, her face beautifully illuminated by the soon-to-be-setting sun. She looked like she'd found a new passion. She stayed up there the whole time with much grinning. She said she'd love to water-ski once she was up to it.
The late afternoon was gorgeous, the water filled with blue,green and gold lights, the horizon and sky blue, not a cloud in sight. The sun lowered, reflecting golden-orange on the water; the full moon came up to the east, also over the water, first appearing faint and blurred in the haze and slowly congealing into a clear, beautiful, perfectly focused globe. The sun touched the water, pressed against the horizon, and set. I could see Betty water-skiing behind the boat, the moon behind her.
I admit that at first I was pretty scared as the boat zoomed off, tilted towards the back, and then banked to the side when it turned. What if it capsized or scraped "bottom" in the shallows? Then suddenly the fear disappeared and I just loved it, enjoying the sweep of the boat against the water, the foam, and even the tilting. My experience reminded me of being a young child trying something new.
Nadine worked pretty hard the next day when the physical therapist arrived. Arm pulls and leg pulls with the blue elastic band for strengthening. She'll need to be in shape in order to learn to water-ski, and she said that's just what she wants to do.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
My Own Week -- Full Moon Dinner, Improvising, Decluttering
On Friday Nadine and I went back to our house in the Southern Tier, a different world. We attended the monthly "full moon" potluck dinner at "Tickletown" in Humphrey, hostessed as always by Lois Hilton. Special arrangements had to be made for Nadine at the potluck, so she could eat "untouched" food, and a friend graciously put some food aside for her. What a treat to see favorite "widely located" neighbors and sample conversations and homegrown summer produce. Nadine re-connected with her friends Holly and April, the three of them happily snapping photos (probably of each other) and clumping together. It used to be that whenever Nadine would announce "I'm ready to leave now", it meant that Holly and April had gone home. I made the usual rounds of visiting. We all duly and joyfully trooped outside to admire the rising moon with whoops and yells.
After Holly and April left, Nadine fell asleep on the couch.
The monthly event started about 5 years ago as a discussion group focusing on sustainability, bartering, and other community-minded "stuff"; the "full moon" timing came about because no one could agree on a day of the week. it evolved into monthly meals, socializing, and networking. People often are available for helping their "neighbors" or just plain company. There are times that I feel somewhat skill-less among these folks, whose skills and passions include beekeeping, cheesemaking, veggie-growing, horse-raising, carpentry, etc. Lately there's been an influx of babies and toddlers, which is a delight -- we saw few little ones three years ago. Although folks assure me my music has essential value, it's sometimes hard to consider it "useful" when juxtaposed to food and shelter. We once actually discussed this.
Over the week-end, I was determined to get ready to get the house cleaned out and de-cluttered; it's time to think strongly of selling it. Barry's work has moved to 30 miles away. Nadine and I will be in Rochester most of the time and after that she'll probably head to college. And I have all this "stuff" getting in the way.... "Stuff", or keeping track of it, has always gotten in the way, a personal nemesis and impeder of progress, social pleasures, and fun.
The last time I was down there (3 weeks ago), my friend Kim graciously came over and helped me get started --an impressive amount of clothing left for Freecycle. Kim smiled so much that it was even fun. I think I accomplished more in 2 hours with her than in days otherwise. This time, it was time to go through books and papers, yuck, just me and the junk. I was grumpy and slow, and finally forced myself to get in "gear" and actually made headway. There was so much of it, though!
Nadine attacked the mess in her room, uncovering so many sweet, beautiful things that she had collected over the years, sorting out what she wanted to pass on and what she wanted to keep. The enormous pink puff-puffy tutu I'd bought her for (around) her 8th birthday went, although she kept the tutu, also pink, that I had painstakingly, clumsily, but successfully made by hand. She said she's ready to let go of her room there and move on. I had told her that if she was attached to our keeping the house until she went to college, we'd do it.
Looking at all those "little girl" things, and photos, couldn't help but make me wistful, perhaps even more so because of her illness.
We went down the hill in Barry's Cabriolet convertible with the top down, and had dinner at a friend's Mexican restaurant.
I saw red leaves adorning trees already, and the nights were already cold. I don't like it happening this early. I realize that summer in Hinsdale is ending, as is the growing season. Rochester's somewhat longer (but not enough for me) growing season is a definite advantage.. I know I'm a "summer" person -- I never thought I'd ever end up in the North.
I've been told "never say never". I've also been told "Never means tomorrow". Hmmh... Did I say I'd never move to the North? Here I am.
Returning to Rochester was relatively hurried, as I wanted to get the house cleaned well, and also we were having lunch with Alice and her daughter Daphne, after which we'd also practice for the Irish Festival, which I was accompanying the "kids" for. i had thoroughly enjoyed baking cinnamon bread for the occasion. I had wanted to be able to prepare a full meal, but we ended up having Alice bring "noodle bowls" from a local take-out place (which were yummy), and I brought the cinnamon bread I'd baked. It was still a fun meal and a fun discussion.
After we went the Irish Festival repertoire, Alice and I improvised together on the stage of the performance room, she on the violin and me on the Steinway. I'd never improvised with a violinist -- Alice is superb and fun to improvise with, to my delight. I started with Latin rhythms and Alice suggested Hungarian styles, and we had "new age" and classical-style complete with harmonies and Alberti bass, delightfully flowing, yum.
Nadine was tired and lay on the couch after dinner.
After Holly and April left, Nadine fell asleep on the couch.
The monthly event started about 5 years ago as a discussion group focusing on sustainability, bartering, and other community-minded "stuff"; the "full moon" timing came about because no one could agree on a day of the week. it evolved into monthly meals, socializing, and networking. People often are available for helping their "neighbors" or just plain company. There are times that I feel somewhat skill-less among these folks, whose skills and passions include beekeeping, cheesemaking, veggie-growing, horse-raising, carpentry, etc. Lately there's been an influx of babies and toddlers, which is a delight -- we saw few little ones three years ago. Although folks assure me my music has essential value, it's sometimes hard to consider it "useful" when juxtaposed to food and shelter. We once actually discussed this.
Over the week-end, I was determined to get ready to get the house cleaned out and de-cluttered; it's time to think strongly of selling it. Barry's work has moved to 30 miles away. Nadine and I will be in Rochester most of the time and after that she'll probably head to college. And I have all this "stuff" getting in the way.... "Stuff", or keeping track of it, has always gotten in the way, a personal nemesis and impeder of progress, social pleasures, and fun.
The last time I was down there (3 weeks ago), my friend Kim graciously came over and helped me get started --an impressive amount of clothing left for Freecycle. Kim smiled so much that it was even fun. I think I accomplished more in 2 hours with her than in days otherwise. This time, it was time to go through books and papers, yuck, just me and the junk. I was grumpy and slow, and finally forced myself to get in "gear" and actually made headway. There was so much of it, though!
Nadine attacked the mess in her room, uncovering so many sweet, beautiful things that she had collected over the years, sorting out what she wanted to pass on and what she wanted to keep. The enormous pink puff-puffy tutu I'd bought her for (around) her 8th birthday went, although she kept the tutu, also pink, that I had painstakingly, clumsily, but successfully made by hand. She said she's ready to let go of her room there and move on. I had told her that if she was attached to our keeping the house until she went to college, we'd do it.
Looking at all those "little girl" things, and photos, couldn't help but make me wistful, perhaps even more so because of her illness.
We went down the hill in Barry's Cabriolet convertible with the top down, and had dinner at a friend's Mexican restaurant.
I saw red leaves adorning trees already, and the nights were already cold. I don't like it happening this early. I realize that summer in Hinsdale is ending, as is the growing season. Rochester's somewhat longer (but not enough for me) growing season is a definite advantage.. I know I'm a "summer" person -- I never thought I'd ever end up in the North.
I've been told "never say never". I've also been told "Never means tomorrow". Hmmh... Did I say I'd never move to the North? Here I am.
Returning to Rochester was relatively hurried, as I wanted to get the house cleaned well, and also we were having lunch with Alice and her daughter Daphne, after which we'd also practice for the Irish Festival, which I was accompanying the "kids" for. i had thoroughly enjoyed baking cinnamon bread for the occasion. I had wanted to be able to prepare a full meal, but we ended up having Alice bring "noodle bowls" from a local take-out place (which were yummy), and I brought the cinnamon bread I'd baked. It was still a fun meal and a fun discussion.
After we went the Irish Festival repertoire, Alice and I improvised together on the stage of the performance room, she on the violin and me on the Steinway. I'd never improvised with a violinist -- Alice is superb and fun to improvise with, to my delight. I started with Latin rhythms and Alice suggested Hungarian styles, and we had "new age" and classical-style complete with harmonies and Alberti bass, delightfully flowing, yum.
Nadine was tired and lay on the couch after dinner.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Happy Surprise -- Nadine's Counts Went Up
A pleasant surprise happened this morning -- Nadine's neutrophil count zoomed up to an acceptable level, and the bone marrow biopsy was cancelled. She received her chemo -- 3 weeks late, but she got it!!! Who'd have thought we'd be going "Yay" to her getting that stuff again? If the next cycle leads to more delays, she'll have the bone marrow test, but it's likely it was a one-time "fluke"-- lots of hope. Her antibiotic was changed, just in case that did it -- we may never know the cause.
We're in celebration mode. It was an excellent time for it, as we had dinner with the Klassens commemorating Nadine's friend Sylvia's departure for college tomorrow. Root-beer floats for dessert. i'm worn and happy at once.
I'm in awe of the support and affirmation I've received from my friends during all of this.
Off to bed -- I'm still tired, and relieved. I know that more bumps can occur later on, but i'm not letting that keep me from enjoying the nice stuff when it happens.
We're in celebration mode. It was an excellent time for it, as we had dinner with the Klassens commemorating Nadine's friend Sylvia's departure for college tomorrow. Root-beer floats for dessert. i'm worn and happy at once.
I'm in awe of the support and affirmation I've received from my friends during all of this.
Off to bed -- I'm still tired, and relieved. I know that more bumps can occur later on, but i'm not letting that keep me from enjoying the nice stuff when it happens.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I've been feeling sad and scared about Nadine lately. Her neutrophil (one kind of white blood cell) count has stayed low and tomorrow it will be 3 weeks from when her chemo cycle should have been resumed, but hasn't (it will be 6 weeks from the beginning of a normally every-3-week cycle).
The medical staff scheduled a bone marrow test for Nadine Thursday.
I've been reassured that the chance of leukemia relapse is relatively low, as her other blood counts (hematocrit (red blood cells), monocyte (other kind of white blood cell) and platelets are all okay. But still this is upsetting.
When I was told about the scheduled bone marrow test yesterday, I felt like the ground had tilted. I remember feeling that way at the Strong Hospital emergency room after Nadine was originally and suddenly diagnosed with leukemia. Then, I wandered aimlessly around the emergency room, feeling like the ground had tilted. It reminded me of the earthquake I felt in a playground about 15 years ago, when the ground had slowly shifted at an angle.
Nadine's feeling relatively okay, although pale as usual. So far, the medical staff hasn't found an explanation for the problem. Last week the neutrophils crept up, but still not enough. They actually went down this week.
The drop might have been caused by a low-grade virus, although she showed no sign of being sick; it might be a reaction to the new antibiotic (Bactrum) that started the last cycle (it will be changed next cycle); it might be something they never figure out.
But I feel helpless, and remember how serious her illness is, even though we've had amazingly nice times and amazingly hopeful times, even exhilarating ones.
The worst time is at night. I do better in the daytime. Yesterday I decided, quite logically, to put off reacting to Nadine's condition until the bone marrow results come in. She could be fine, she probably is fine. I felt pressured to feel fine. Nadine was away at her friend Sylvia's house overnight -- the doctor said this was fine. I felt queasy when I left her, and stopped the car and walked around looking at the brightly sunlit trees. I felt better, went home, did a bunch of chores, felt excellent about them. Prepared myself an excellent dinner-for-one and enjoyed it thoroughly. At about 11PM I lay down in bed and felt a sick, horrible feeling in my chest. Worry and disbelief seemed to invade me. Waves of guilt coursed through me -- feelings that somehow, inexplicably, I might have caused her illness because of my attitudes; feelings that Nadine, such a giving person, was giving up her health for the sake of others; other terrible feelings. Plus mundane worries about what I had and hadn't been doing right over the last few weeks.
I wanted so much for there to be someone to call, but it was too late. I got up and finished backing up the defective computer, finding a recording of my own improvisations (which I was glad to have), and a recording of Nadine exquisitely playing Enesco's Cantabile et Presto for Flute and Piano; I missed her playing so much! It could make me cry. I realized how beautifully she played. Would this come back? What would happen to her? What will happen to her?
I finally got back to bed, finally got some rest, got up, and went off for my day. I met a friend fro out-of-town for lunch, looked at two houses in the South Wedge that had sounded hopeful but were icky, finally mailed back my defective computer on the last allowable date, shopped for gifts, and went to pick up Nadine at Sylvia's house. I dropped her at the TLC (Teens Living with Cancer) meeting, going in to find a lively, giggly group of wonderful young people, even more than at the last meeting. All the adults were "kicked out" (I knew this was the plan) as the "kids" were planning a program that would be a surprise to us. Lauren insisted I take a lot of the gorgeous home-grown tomatoes she brought. I used my free time to go to the 19th Ward Farmers' Market, where I enjoyed the late-day and early-evening air and Mitzi Collins's dulcimer ensemble and excellent conversations and the opportunity to buy fresh vegetables and fruit (even berries, yum), vegetables, locally raised meat and delicious bread. The day was soft and sunny with beautiful blue sky and picture-perfect white clouds fluttering through the blueness. It darkened to rich evening colors as I stayed at the market. I went back here, unloaded the vegetables, and started to write this.
And now it's close to bedtime and I feel the wistfulness coming on. I think I might call a friend this time, before it gets too late at night. Just in case.
The medical staff scheduled a bone marrow test for Nadine Thursday.
I've been reassured that the chance of leukemia relapse is relatively low, as her other blood counts (hematocrit (red blood cells), monocyte (other kind of white blood cell) and platelets are all okay. But still this is upsetting.
When I was told about the scheduled bone marrow test yesterday, I felt like the ground had tilted. I remember feeling that way at the Strong Hospital emergency room after Nadine was originally and suddenly diagnosed with leukemia. Then, I wandered aimlessly around the emergency room, feeling like the ground had tilted. It reminded me of the earthquake I felt in a playground about 15 years ago, when the ground had slowly shifted at an angle.
Nadine's feeling relatively okay, although pale as usual. So far, the medical staff hasn't found an explanation for the problem. Last week the neutrophils crept up, but still not enough. They actually went down this week.
The drop might have been caused by a low-grade virus, although she showed no sign of being sick; it might be a reaction to the new antibiotic (Bactrum) that started the last cycle (it will be changed next cycle); it might be something they never figure out.
But I feel helpless, and remember how serious her illness is, even though we've had amazingly nice times and amazingly hopeful times, even exhilarating ones.
The worst time is at night. I do better in the daytime. Yesterday I decided, quite logically, to put off reacting to Nadine's condition until the bone marrow results come in. She could be fine, she probably is fine. I felt pressured to feel fine. Nadine was away at her friend Sylvia's house overnight -- the doctor said this was fine. I felt queasy when I left her, and stopped the car and walked around looking at the brightly sunlit trees. I felt better, went home, did a bunch of chores, felt excellent about them. Prepared myself an excellent dinner-for-one and enjoyed it thoroughly. At about 11PM I lay down in bed and felt a sick, horrible feeling in my chest. Worry and disbelief seemed to invade me. Waves of guilt coursed through me -- feelings that somehow, inexplicably, I might have caused her illness because of my attitudes; feelings that Nadine, such a giving person, was giving up her health for the sake of others; other terrible feelings. Plus mundane worries about what I had and hadn't been doing right over the last few weeks.
I wanted so much for there to be someone to call, but it was too late. I got up and finished backing up the defective computer, finding a recording of my own improvisations (which I was glad to have), and a recording of Nadine exquisitely playing Enesco's Cantabile et Presto for Flute and Piano; I missed her playing so much! It could make me cry. I realized how beautifully she played. Would this come back? What would happen to her? What will happen to her?
I finally got back to bed, finally got some rest, got up, and went off for my day. I met a friend fro out-of-town for lunch, looked at two houses in the South Wedge that had sounded hopeful but were icky, finally mailed back my defective computer on the last allowable date, shopped for gifts, and went to pick up Nadine at Sylvia's house. I dropped her at the TLC (Teens Living with Cancer) meeting, going in to find a lively, giggly group of wonderful young people, even more than at the last meeting. All the adults were "kicked out" (I knew this was the plan) as the "kids" were planning a program that would be a surprise to us. Lauren insisted I take a lot of the gorgeous home-grown tomatoes she brought. I used my free time to go to the 19th Ward Farmers' Market, where I enjoyed the late-day and early-evening air and Mitzi Collins's dulcimer ensemble and excellent conversations and the opportunity to buy fresh vegetables and fruit (even berries, yum), vegetables, locally raised meat and delicious bread. The day was soft and sunny with beautiful blue sky and picture-perfect white clouds fluttering through the blueness. It darkened to rich evening colors as I stayed at the market. I went back here, unloaded the vegetables, and started to write this.
And now it's close to bedtime and I feel the wistfulness coming on. I think I might call a friend this time, before it gets too late at night. Just in case.
Nadine played a whole gig on Thursday
Nadine played a whole gig on Thursday night!! The band she was playing with, Tunescape, came to visit before the dance, and amidst merriment Nadine decided to go with them. There was much exuberance. The band got into Nadine's wig collection, and members were seen sporting her green wig, her hot pink wig, and her pink fleece hat on stage. Nadine herself had a gorgeous scarf on.
She played and played and played, from 8PM to 11PM, to a crowd of enthusiastic dancers. She was rhythmic and very "there".
As for me -- I danced, danced danced.
She played and played and played, from 8PM to 11PM, to a crowd of enthusiastic dancers. She was rhythmic and very "there".
As for me -- I danced, danced danced.
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